is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
