I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
