come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
