your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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