I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
