hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i drank out of a bidet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
