shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
