cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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