I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
