I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
