dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
