u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
