But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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