Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
