I will die if light touches me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
