I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drake has all the answers
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