doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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