Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
