I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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