Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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