Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
