When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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