You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The ass gains better be worth it
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