Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
