Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
