At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
