goodnight i made you a song goodbye
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
