I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
