we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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