i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
