Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
