doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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