you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
