For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm like, not good at living.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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