walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
