i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Less talking, more tequila
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
