So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she pinky promised me she was 18
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
