I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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