I am puke
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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