Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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