i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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