Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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