he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
