when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
