first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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