would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
