so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
