piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
