We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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