I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize