Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
