He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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