is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize