Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
