So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
