if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
