Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
