Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
