He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
