Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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