Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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