Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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