I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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