Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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