so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize