he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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