I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
