in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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