i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
