He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize