My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
