I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
