I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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