last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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