i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
