i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
