tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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