he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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