If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He felt like a one man threesome
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
