Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
