I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
