Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
