Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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