dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
