I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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