im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
