very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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