Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
