M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
