you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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