the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize