the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize