Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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