You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
