Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
