I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
