She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize