I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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