I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
