STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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