what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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