so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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