God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
