margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
