It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
