I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
