She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
