he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
