i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
