A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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