even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
