i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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