Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
